waving goodbye and meaning it,
sorry sorry little brother
i am recently a child too
unaware that you and i are separate,
separated now
by the Salish sea
i go west like a pilgrim
to another place,
this one for moneyed chidren
of politicians, doctors and crooks,
if there is a distinction;
loud unruly daughters,
beligerant sons;
entitled, beastly,
privileged little racists,
future scientists, musicians, V-jays
and rapists,
did you ever notice how easy it is
to make one into the other?
racist
rapist
one
the other
i found a home in this place,
learned, because i was told,
that one should look into
the other’s
eyes
that we do not speak to
potted plants
that humans hug,
sometimes
consentually
how to explain now
how much i loved
that white-walled room
smelling of lavender and sweat;
the house mother, so kind
like a real mother might be
but not my real mother,
the common-room still lives
as tender memory
girls and boys piled higgledy-piggledy
the young and restless,
playing on that old tube tv
bare arms touching
glances passing between future lovers
i learned to dive
in the cold ocean
deep into wrecked places
the only girl
and therefore,
always proving my worth
my skinny boyfriend
loved skateboarding
and cigarettes,
was gentle and rough-dressed
and never used the phrase
“paki-shack,”
meaning the convenience store,
like all the rest did
he was a loner, and so cool,
judd nelson to my molly ringwald
maybe he was a racist,
but he didn’t talk much
so i don’t know
he graduated
became a deep sea welder
i learned calculus,
and puked peach schnapps
neither of which
matters now
i learned the difference
between c and p
which still matters
like a car wreck in the rear view mirror
like a bullet hole
behind the bed
i thought i was free
but it was just
monster school.
1Sagefemme All Rights Reserved 2016
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Of maidens, mothers, and crones; a life in poetry, unfinished 